We’ve all had things we dreamed of becoming or doing when we were younger. Many of them were immature ideas of youth. We wanted to be a fireman, a dancer, a football star, an astronaut, a doctor. When we said it as a child, we only saw the outside of it – the result. We didn’t really understand what it truly was to be and become that thing. Our parents told us we could become anything we wanted to, and for the most part, they were right. But I’m not thinking of any of those types of things.

I’m thinking about the real dream, not the wish of childhood or adolescence. That time in our lives when we saw for the first time something that sparked us. Something we thought we could actually do – something we wanted to do; craved to do. We may not have had any idea how to get there, but deep inside at a more mature level, we somehow knew we could do it and we wanted to.

For many of us, not knowing in that moment how to get to the realization of that dream, we reverted back to normal daily life and what was known. Maybe we were in school with the daily grind and commitment that was required to succeed there. Maybe we had home lives that required extra of us and parents that kept us focused on a single track to their vision of a successful life, like finishing school, getting a degree, a good job and a career. Some of us may have had family that let us know in no uncertain terms what they expected of us. They chose our school and career for us, and let us know how deep their disappointment would be if we didn’t comply. Some of us may have had a family life where there was no expectation or encouragement at all.

There are probably thousands of reasons why that initial spark of a dream got derailed in our lives, and for many of us, at a time when we were too young or lacked the self-confidence to advocate for ourselves, stand up and say “no” to the expectations of parents, family, friends, teachers or bosses. Sadly, statistics tell us that ninety-two percent of us never do achieve these ambitions. For many of us, we reach adulthood and if we take the time to look back, we realize all the ways that the responsibilities of the moment simply got in the way. Our lives became a series of “priorities” that led us away from that thing we’d always wanted to do or become.

But the spark still remains. We may feel it when we see or read about someone doing the thing we always wanted to do. We might see it in our children or grandchildren and be reminded that once upon a time, there was a belief that we could do or achieve it. Sadly, some of us attempt to live those lost dreams through our children. We all know that “sports parent” we dread seeing at our kids’ soccer game. Even sadder, some just give up and look back wistfully thinking “if only”.

I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying “what would you dare to do if you knew you could not fail?” I think it’s a worthwhile question to ask ourselves, especially when we’ve reached a stage in our lives where we have come to accept that we’re really not satisfied with the direction our lives are going – that there is more, we’re just not sure what. It’s not to suggest that we abandon our current lives and responsibilities to pursue our dream. But surely, we could do something. Take a step in that direction, no matter how small and insignificant? Dare to dream again, this time with adult resources and the power to make mature choices.

The idea of reconnecting with lost parts of ourselves speaks to a time in our lives when external things looked just they way they were supposed to look. Career in full swing, nice car, nice house, two kids and a wife as the song goes. No one looking from the outside could see anything askew, but internally we were hungry for more, just not more of the same. Someone I know once said their life felt like it was being lived to earn the money to pay for it. The picture in my mind was the hamster on the wheel going nowhere. Sure, it looks like it’s going somewhere fast, but when it’s all said and done, nothing was really accomplished. The hamster might have believed differently, but it went to sleep in the same cage it woke up in every day.

I’ve taken the time to slow down, be quiet and really ask myself – what would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail? What is the dream – or dreams – I have put to the side that I’d love to be able to achieve? What things fill up my life right now that I would gladly get rid of to begin chasing desires I’ve always wanted to pursue?

For me, the pandemic provided the opportunity I needed to attempt those changes. With so many of life’s “normals” shut down, like everyone else I suddenly found myself with huge blocks of free time. Places I “had to” go to weren’t accessible. Things I “had to” do weren’t able to be done. People I “had to” interact with in person weren’t available to be met with. Because I had a mentor in my life encouraging me to ask myself this question, and a ready-made occasion via covid to fill up my newly found free time, I did. I’ve always wanted to write. It started with journaling, to which I’ve added this blog. I’ve only started, there’s more to come.

I’m asking those who are reading this – if time and money were no obstacle, what would you spend your life chasing after? Would you write a book? Learn a new language? Teach? Learn an instrument? Start a garden? Learn to cook? Take flying lessons? Travel places you’ve never been? Go back to school?

As I review that list, they seem to be such big things, but are they really? Anyone who ever achieved anything started somewhere. They started small, in obscurity. Everything that has even been invented by anyone at some point, early in its development, was ridiculed. It takes a lot of courage to make changes, and I am not suggesting that anything new will be easy just because it is desired. But if we’re hungry, committed and unwilling to quit, I am suggesting it will be possible. We will never, ever find out unless we try.

One of the greatest truths I have come to understand is this: Life doesn’t happen to us unless we let it. We have been given the power of choice, which means we have the ability to direct our lives. We have been conditioned to assume that what has transpired in our lives was just “meant to be” and many of us live as though we’re passengers along for the ride, rather than directors in the story of our lives.

In the movie Contact, Ellie Arroway discovers alien life in another part of the galaxy and is assumed to be the one chosen to travel to meet them. As she answers the selection committee questions honestly, she doesn’t tell them what they want to hear, but what she holds to be true. She is beaten out by a candidate who panders to the committee and is chosen over her. Later, when they meet, he tells Ellie, “I wish the world was a place where fair was the bottom line, where the kind of idealism you showed at the hearing was rewarded, not taken advantage of. Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world,” to which she replies, “Funny, I’ve always believed that the world is what we make it.”

What could we make our worlds if we believed in and chose to follow our dreams? What lives could we live and what impact could that have on others? Are we writing the story of our lives, or are we allowing the pages to be written for us, blindly following along? What would we dare to attempt if we knew we could not fail? What are the lost parts of ourselves that we can reconnect to? I truly hope that when this is read, we’ll set aside some quiet time and ask ourselves those questions and allow our hearts to generate honest and brave answers.

Some of us may find that we are living in ways and doing things just as we’ve always wanted. I hope that’s most of us. If that’s not the case, there’s still time. There is always time to start. The ending of our story has not yet been written, and we hold the pen. I believe life offers us the choice to write what happens next. Dream big, then take the next step.